In the past 5 days I’ve been torn with how to feel about what’s going on for Trinity and the other 100s of folks who have been affected by the Valley Fires. There is a part of me that aches every time I think about it, begins to unravel around the fact that it’s not fair, it’s too horrible, it shouldn’t have happened to (her) anyone.
It’s hard to pull back from this place. But I’m also deeply drawn to what feels like the greater truth, which is that I am wholly accepting of reality, in love with reality, and trust that the Universe is friendly – that what DOES happen, is what SHOULD happen, because – in fact – it has happened. Not sure if that makes sense to you, but for me it means no resistance to what IS happening, only embracing what already is and taking action as I can to change or affect change on what’s yet to come.
In this process I relax, I open up to a greater sense of peace, compassion, kindness and willingness to be fully present for all that is, just AS it IS. Of course I do not wish these tragic things to have happened, and yet they did happen. I believe my choice is that I could either carry around a lot of anger, sorrow, and be paralyzed by my resistance or I can move into it with all the love I can muster and am capable of and DO something now.
This morning I was doing my daily meditation (day 41 today – thank you “Miracle Morning”) and using the Metta or Loving Kindness meditation that I usually do and something totally shifted. Spontaneously, unconsciously even, I began to repeat the words:
- I AM filled with loving kindness.
- I AM well. I AM free from all internal and external dangers.
- I AM in love with reality and truly free.
The HUGE difference here is that typically you would say:
- MAY I be filled with loving kindness.
- MAY I be well…
The difference between hoping it to be so and acknowledging it AS currently BEING SO was monumental.
I could and still can recognize that in THIS MOMENT I AM truly filled with loving kindness. I AM well. I AM free from all internal and external dangers. I AM in love with reality and truly free. It made me realize that although these things are not always true, indeed they often shift second to second, I am capable of stepping into the moment so fully, no matter what else is happening, and recognize what I AM now and that not all of me, or my true self, has to be torn at all. In the midst of such deep hurt, loss, fear, guilt, helplessness, but also hope, vulnerability and rawness it is possible to be well, to be filled with love, to be at peace…if only for a split second.
And then maybe again, and again, and again, we can return.
As I am re-reading this post before adding my final thoughts, I recognize how selfish it is (although perhaps masked by the fact that I hope it will be somehow meaningful to you); my way of working through what is to me nothing compared to what it is for Trinity or so many others.
And the truth is I do think it is an opportunity to question ourselves, to dig deeper, and to extend ourselves more – or at least see how much further we are capable of extending.
Again I thank you for all the love you’ve shown Trinity and her family. I hope you are having a beautiful day.
Sending you all love.