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Ep 36: Our changing industry – Do we fear or embrace change?

I’m excited to share this podcast with you for a couple of reasons. One, Melissa Kakavas and I met and connected several years ago while in the Balanced Body faculty training. We were thrust together spontaneously to make some videos for their enthusiasts collection, but had never even met. It’s not all that often that you meet someone and you instantly feel like “I get you.” Making videos is not easy, period, but trying to make videos WITH someone you’ve never met is, well…close to delusional. Somehow we just jived and that was that. Since then, we’ve developed a special kindred friendship.

The second reason is because there is a really sweet, and unexpected, connection we make toward the end of the podcast that is going to set you up for the release of episode 37 with Debora Kolwey where we talk about the mind’s habit to compare; the need to see things as black or white, right or wrong, better or worse. This is an important idea and really relevant to the teaching environment. I think you’re going to enjoy the flow from this conversation to the next.

And, there is a third reason, and that’s because the foundation of our conversation (although we don’t get to it for a while) is all about values. In the Skillful Teaching cohort we talk about values as Core Commitments, which is a term I stole from meditation teacher and author Sally Kempton. But no matter what you call them your values, what you’re most committed to is the river you’re floating in. And that river is not only ever-flowing, but it is also ever-changing. It is also the thing that can set you apart, help you stand out, carve out a niche, but above all else it’s literally what buoyies you to a good life worth living. Not an endlessly happy and perfect life, but a good life, one in which you can navigate all the suffering, changes, and ups and downs and still say I’ve grown a lot, learned a lot, and loved a lot.

I don’t want to draw this out too much longer, but I will say that I’ve also been titillated lately by a new book (many of you know I’m a total bibliophile), called “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck” by Mark Manson, which is all about giving a fuck; it’s all about values. It’s not only super funny, it’s also pretty right on when it comes to why we struggle so much in life and how we might struggle less if we just decided what we value.

This is a lengthy conversation, but well worth it especially if you find yourself struggling with how to navigate the challenges of our industry growing by leaps and bounds and deciphering a way to not only stand out and stay afloat, but stay true to your passion and reasons for teaching.

Enjoy!


About Melissa KakavasScreen Shot 2017-03-14 at 9.25.37 AM

Melissa Kakavas is the Director of Pilates Education and Programming at EVOLVE Movement in Raleigh, North Carolina. She is also a master instructor for Balanced Body and has been teaching and mentoring teachers for the past ten years. Melissa originally found Pilates in the early 90s while living in New York City and has been practicing and teaching ever since. She also teaches Gyrotonic, Gyrokinesis, and practices Thai Yoga Body Therapy. Melissa”s teaching style is warm and energetic, inspiring a healthy understanding of  the body, and a strong passion for movement.

Learn More

 

Upcoming Workshop w/ Chantill at EVOLVE Movement


 

  • Saturday, April 29th – Fearless Extension
  • Sunday, April 30th – Scoliosis & Osteoporosis Unraveled

For all the details: http://www.evolvemovement.com/events-workshops

 

Sans Heroes and Pro Tips


 

This podcast was a bit of an impromptu project, so we’re keeping it low key. We’re forgoing the Heroes and Pro Tips elements of the podcast this time around, but did want to share a few things we mentioned in the podcast with you.

Links and Resources


Connect With Us


Reach us Individually


  • Chantill – chantill@skillfulteaching.com
    • Phone – (707) 738-7951
  • Debora – dkolwey@gmail.com

Thinking Pilates Podcast - Connect with Us

The Power of Imperfection {Courageous Teaching Part 1}

Happy belated New Year, dear teacher.

I guess it’s not too late to say that since it’s still January. How’s it going, anyway? How’s 2017 been so far?

My experience is that typically this time of year has us either feeling hopeful, full of renewed energy, or frustrated and a little overwhelmed (and maybe, just maybe, feeling pretty crappy — not impossible). Sometimes all of of these things simultaneously (which happens to have been my experience these past few weeks).

We do this to ourselves though, don’t we? We get jazzed up and excited about fresh starts and big plans, but too often hold ourselves to some unacknowledged and unrealistic expectation that it’s all going to be great (and maybe easier than last time). Deep down we expect that we’ll live up to the demon voice in our heads that’s telling us “you should be able to do this,” or “you’re supposed to be able to do this,” or “you’re supposed to be better than this!” Better than what? Supposed to be able to do what, according to whom?

What it often comes down to is that we think we should be perfect. And maybe “perfect” is not your word exactly. My word is “better” — I’m supposed to be better than this/at this/at this by now… . It’s still a product of expecting something that is out of alignment with our desires, experience, or our history, the situation at hand, and certainly reality. It makes us anxious, worried, agitated, depressed, and turns all of our thoughts inward — not in a good way.

When we don’t meet these expectations of should-ness and better-ness we begin to analyze our every (mis)step, (missed) opportunity, (mis)spoken word, and (ill planned) action. Because we’re concerned that we’re falling short in some way, we don’t have room or attention to spare — not really — for anyone else. We think we’re dedicated to being our best, but really we’re fixated on not failing, on getting it right, on doing exactly what we said we’d do in the way we said we’d do it. In this iteration of our experience striving for “perfection” turns us against ourselves and away from what we really value: making a positive impact.

If you were perfect, did it all right all the time, met every deadline, could do every Pilates exercises just so, knew all the answers and made all the perfect corrections…YOU’D BE BORING. You’d also have very little, if not nothing at all, to offer anyone — especially your students.

Courageous teaching. What is it? It’s the power of imperfection. It’s the key to creativity and the conduit of curiosity. To be courageous is to be curious (when you don’t have the answer or you’re having a shitty day and you decide to show up fully anyway); to be vulnerable, willing to fail, willing to not know and still love what you do. Courageous teaching is bringing your best-self, NOT YOUR PERFECT SELF, to the moment as often as you’re able to and when you’re not able to to love yourself and what you do regardless.

This is the first part in a 3 or 4 part series (I haven’t decided yet — I often have more to say than I realize, which isn’t surprising to many of you who know me) on courageous teaching. My hope is to leave you with some small tool you can use to help you be more able to show up even on the bad days.

I just recently finished Amy Cuddy’s book “Presence: Bringing your boldest self to your biggest challenges.” Amy is the now famed TED Talk presenter and social psychologist who has dedicated her work to exploring (and proving) the connection between the body and confidence. In Presence she explores different ways we can quickly make positive change in our presence especially when we are facing difficult situations.

So, based on Amy’s work and another technique I was exposed to a long time ago, I’ve got two “pro-tips” for you. Check them out below and look for more in this series soon.

Fearless Teaching – What if you didn’t need to be RIGHT?

What does fearless teaching look like?

To answer that question we have to begin by asking another more poignant question, one that you might not want to answer and one that might be difficult to answer honestly:

How committed are you to being right?

Now hold on. Before you just jump in and say “No, that’s not me. I’m totally willing to be wrong. I’m comfortable with that, with not having the answers. I totally feel fine when I’m not right” I want you to stop for a moment and be really, really honest with yourself.

Imagine a situation near or far from this moment when you remember not being right whether you were struggling to answer a student’s question, or you didn’t know what to do or where to go with a student because some unexpected challenge had arisen, or someone actually challenged you. PuMrRightt yourself in the situation fully. Who was it, when was it, where were you, what was the question you couldn’t answer or the problem you couldn’t solve or the student you couldn’t get through to (and I know that happens ALL the time, so finding a situation shouldn’t be that hard).

Play this little game with a teaching situation and a personal situation THEN ask yourself again: How important is it to me to be right?

To give you a bit of perspective here’s what needing to be right or feeling like being right is a definite drive looks like:

  • You are asked a question by a student (or colleague) and you don’t have the answer or you only have part of the answer and you’re maybe not that sure even about that part. You start to feel sweaty, awkward, uncomfortable. Your throat constricts a little, you get a bit panicky, you start to feel like you are inadequate, unskilled, lack knowledge, self-doubt seeps in. Maybe you get defensive, maybe you deflect, maybe you try to turn the conversation elsewhere or say that the answer to the question is really just not that important.
  • You have a student who is severally challenged and you are constantly asked to be creative with how you apply the work. On this occasion you feel like you’re really onto something, you’ve come up with a strategy, exercise, program that you are confident is going to work, maybe even offer a little breakthrough. You ask: Do you feel that? Doesn’t that feel better/stronger/more open/easier? Can you feel the difference now? And the answer is a firm “NO.” Ack! What?! You were so sure and the movement looked so good. Maybe they just don’t get it. Maybe they can’t feel it. Maybe they don’t know how to articulate the change. NO?! Now what? You start to worry that you’ve gotten it all wrong, you misread the situation, you don’t really know what you’re talking about. Or you get frustrated with the student because obviously they are not doing something right. You ask them to do it again, you guide them overtly to what it is you want them to experience.

Panic, confusion, self-doubt, defensiveness, paralysis, annoyance, a lack of presence, blame (blame on your student/other person or yourself)…All of these experiences indicate that you are indeed not comfortable with being right and may even be attached to being right.

Let me say here that WANTING and NEEDING to be right is not the same as having a strong desire to be wise, knowledgable, helpful, and effective in our teaching. Wanting and needing to be right is a distortion of the latter thing based on sustaining the ego’s top position in our subconscious psychological hierarchy.

Our, likely unacknowledged, commitment to being right also looks more subtly like this:

  • Always telling our students what to do:
    • Constantly offering corrections (repeating the same corrections over and over again).
    • Always telling them when a correction needs to be made and how to do it.
  • Not educating our students as to WHY we are doing what we’re doing or even WHAT we are doing:
    • Not taking the time to teach our students the names of the exercises.
    • Not taking the time to teach our students how to change their own springs.
    • Not putting a priority on self-practice and home-practice.
  • Never asking our students what their experience is of a movement, task, exercise:
    • Not asking specific questions about their experience (asking “how was that for you” doesn’t cut it. Any question that they can say “fine” to is out).
      • Instead asking questions that are specific and will lead the student to turn their attention — either beforehand or afterward — to a clear aspect of their experience.
        • “When you reach your right leg and your left arm do you notice any tension or pain along that diagonal? Do you experience more power in the connection to…”
    • Only asking questions that we know we’ll get a “yes” to.

Our desire to be right comes from a motivation to make a difference and keep our students safe. And it also comes from a place of saving face, looking good/smart/insightful. The latter attachment gets in the way of powerful, fearless and unapologetic teaching. It gets in the way of the student’s success and instead puts the teacher’s success at the center.

I’m guilty of this and I’ve watched countless (well intended and talented) teachers do this over and over again.

What it ultimately leads to is complacency in both. It also leads to students being held hostage by their teachers because they never truly make lasting and sustainable change.  (This is a topic we’ve dived into before at ST and you can learn more about this important skill HERE.)

Instead of searching for and constantly prompting the “yes” answer in order to satisfy our desire to be RIGHT, what would happen if we were committed to the “no”? What would happen if we were able to show up for each class and session not only expecting the “I don’t get it” response, but welcoming it?


Case in point: 

A few days ago I had the absolute pleasure of watching a teacher work for 2 hours with a young man in his 30s with a spinal cord injury. The student is a quadriplegic and has been working Pilates professionals for about a year now with great success.

What I saw was one of the most straight forward, unapologetic, and absolutely genuine teacher-student experiences I’ve ever seen. Honestly, with all the master teachers I’ve had the pleasure of observing and working with I can truly say that this was an exceptional experience. And it wasn’t really about what was done, although that was great too, it was about how it was done.

The teacher, James Crader of Evolved Body in Gold River, CA, was totally present and absolutely unafraid. Throughout the session he never asked “Is that okay? Are you feeling like that’s too much? Should we slow down?” He was purposeful and direct and just did what needed to be done. And he was, from the outset, kind, funny, and opened himself up (without compromising his objective) to what I’d call I’m just a dude real, human engagement. No pretenses, no excuses, and no attachment to being right.

In fact, it was in that session I first had the thought: What if we actually WANT the “no” answer? Could this keep us committed to curiosity and learning rather than getting things right?

James’s fearless compassion and curiosity looked like this:

  1. Throughout the session he was not only totally present, but unapologetic about either any uncomfortable positions (particularly when maneuvering the student around) or challenge the student might be feeling. AND this was consistently balanced with a sense of intimacy and awareness that seemed to hold both of them with total compassion. James always sought ways of making it most comfortable and beneficial, but when things went awry, which they did often enough, there was absolutely no resistance or hesitation. There was just…figure it out and keep going.

  2. Laughter and personality, not just the teacher face.
  3. Educating: “The reason we’re going here is to… . Remember we were talking the other day about _____? This is about taking this deeper.” (I’m paraphrasing this part.)
  4. When the answer to any question was “no” or “not really” James’s response was something like:
    • Okay, I’ll take that.
    • Okay, let’s try this…
    • Think of it this way…
    • Let’s take this from another direction…
    • That’s so interesting that you’d say that. Let me put it this way/Let’s try it again, but instead do ____
  5. There was never “You feel that, right? Isn’t that great?” comments, which I generally hear ad nauseam. What I heard a lot of:
  6. Notice how _____ feels and where the work is coming from/how you could make that different/work more from ____ etc…
  7. What I want you to explore is _____. How are you going to do that?
  8. What breath are you going to use there?
  9. Could your neck get longer?
  10. Could you connect back into the _______?
  11. You have 6 more repetitions to _______ (experiment with how to work more from the back/how to get more _____/find a peaceful breath whatever that means to you.

In their book The 15 Commitments of a Conscious Leader authors Diana Chapman, Jim Dethmer, and Kaley Klemp talk about above or below the line leadership or consciousness. Taking “radical” responsibility is their number one commitment. Above the line responsibility looks like a willingness to be wrong and accept every situation as it unfolds – no resistance or wanting the world to be different. No “I should know the answer” or “This should be working.” Below the line responsibility looks like blaming ourselves (we teachers are particularly good at this and this is BELOW THE LINE) and others when things don’t go right. It looks like being totally committed to being right (in all of its insidious forms).

When we are above the line responsible, we can also be more fully present. The situation is no longer about getting something, but about learning something. In teaching I find this to be the number one thing that defines great teachers. A commitment to learning, to being curious, to loving the “No, I’m not getting this” answer, and to be unapologetic about what they have or don’t have to offer. They just are. Nothing to prove.

What would it look like to be a fearless teacher? What would it feel like to invite and love those moments — as many and varied as they are — of not knowing the answer or not getting the outcome we’re searching/hoping for?

For me, it’s a totally relief! It creates space for investigation, exploration, and truly being in relationship with not only my students but my work. And I freaking LOVE what I do, so this is nothing but GOOD all the way around!

Your Challenge:

  • The next time you’re teaching notice all the small ways you desire to be right and also notice how this motivation might be keeping you from truly listening, being present and learning (how it separates you from your student.)
  • Next time you find yourself defending a position to a spouse, partner, friend, or colleague notice why you need to be right and what it might be like to simply try to understand where the disconnect might be.
  • Make a list of all the reasons why being right/getting it right feels important. Which of these things is driven by above the line responsibility or below the line responsibility.

I’d love to hear what you think about this and how it goes.

Share below in the comments.

Mwah!
— c

Ep 20: So you want to teach teachers? Pilates Education Institute

Ep 21: Zen and the Art of Teaching with Tom McCook

Tom McCook is one of my all time favorite teachers not only to study with but to just be near. There are those rare people who you gravitate toward as if they were pulling you into their orbit – that is Tom. Learn how this deeply calm, compassionate and inquisitive teacher builds his teaching foundation.

Apologies in advance for the poor sound quality. It’s totally worth it.

Ep 18: How The Pilates Philosophy Will Help You Not Be Afraid To Ask For Money

This brief recording is an exploration of how, by knowing, understanding, and integrating the Pilates philosophy we can more easily and authentically guide our students down a direct path to practicing with us. Learn what you can do to get more comfortable with selling what you do simply by getting excited and being honest about the Pilates method.

Ep 16: Bridging The Disconnect – Working With Scoliosis & Osteoporosis

This interview was one of the BEST I’ve done! I loved Lindy Royer from the moment we met (sounds like the beginning of a love story 😉 at the Balanced Body Faculty training many years ago. She’s got spunk. She’s smart, thoughtful, and no-nonsense. She sees her students as whole and gets straight to the nitty gritty. Talking to her about scoliosis and osteoporosis was one of the best things I could have done, both for myself, and for you.

Not only do we dive into some of the specifics of working with this population, we get down and dirty with what our primary responsibility is as teachers to ALL of our students and how this applies particularly to anyone who has been “diagnosed” with a something or other.

Definitely don’t miss this!

And if you’re into it, I bet you’d love to dig into the Unraveling Scoliosis & Osteoporosis Online Workshop that is available now for 6 PMA CEC’s! Check it out:

Ep 15: The First Conversation With Master Teacher Debora Kolwey

Listen to an inspiring, intelligent, informative conversation that will spark your desire to be better at what you do and reassure you that you are not alone. Meet master teacher Debora Kolwey of The Pilates Center in Boulder, Co. She’s thoughtful, intelligent, and been in the biz for a freakin’ long time! She has something to say. Check it out.

Ep 14: SPECIAL EPISODE! The Origins of Pilates Part 2 – Don't miss this!

Ep 13: SPECIAL EPISODE! The Origins of Pilates Part 1 – Don’t miss this!

The Thinking Pilates Podcast is about providing you with awesome content about Pilates, the method itself and how to teach it, what it’s like to be a teacher and how we can EXCELL at teaching as a craft. That’s why from now on I’m giving you access to TONS of the most awesome interviews, workshops, and education I’ve put together in the past year. AND the podcast will continue to include awesome conversations with industry leaders and explorations of cutting edge topics on teaching with my co-host Debora Kolwey and other guest co-hosts.

Today, what you’re listening to is the first part of the Pilates Origins workshop that I created and hosted in August of 2014 where the Skillful Teaching mentoring group studies, discusses and dives deep into Joe’s original texts “Return to Life” and “Your Health.”

We also take a look at transitions in the advanced work.

If you’re interested in watching the video version of this workshop, you can get it free HERE:

Part 1

Part 2