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Here we are at long last, the next article in the series on leading our students toward greater, sustained MOTIVATION.

In February I posted the first article: “Number One Reason Pilates Students Don’t Stay Motivated & What We Can Do About It TODAY!”

If you want to know more about how EXPECTATIONS are likely thwarting you and your students and causing a serious lack of internal motivation, you will want to read the first article. Go there now.

I also explain the value of and how to extrapolate intentions – the first key concept – but want to say a few more things about intentions before we move on to the next three concepts.

Here’s the premise I presented in article 1:

When we are aware of the power of unacknowledged and unrealistic expectations we open ourselves up to understanding the four key concepts that will lead us to cultivating and supporting greater, sustained motivation in our students (and ourselves).

4 Key Concepts

Intention: Setting a foundation for starting over (empathy)

Core Commitments: Being versus doing (values)

Discrepancy: Realistic assessment of progress (perception)

Self-efficacy: Proof of success (experience)

 

Unhelpful expectations, or expectations that we are unconscious of, create a fundamental block for all of us in everything we do.

When unmet they spin us out into stories of guilt, failure, being the kind of person who can’t live up to what they say they are going to do.

This is exactly what happens for our students every time they don’t live up to the expectations they have set for themselves or those they believe have been set by someone else. In this case perhaps a higher Pilates power that dictates what and how they should progress. (Be aware of if you are actually channeling this higher power and not aware of it.) Without a clear intention these stories will VERY LIKELY depress motivation.

Intentions Continued

Setting a foundation for starting over (empathy)

The reality is that some of us are better at mitigating the stories and self-talk that come along with not meeting expectations. Some of us can sustain a level of motivation for a few a little while, exercise self-forgiveness and compassion, and some of us will stop all action at the first sign of “perceived” failure. Often the primary difference between motivational ebb and sustenance is intention. 

After we have taken some time to identify the expectations that are guiding us, which ones are helpful or not (read the previous article on the subject here) then we have to get clear about HOW we meet our expectations and our goals – or any moment really.

We discussed intentions at some length in the previous article, but I thought it would be helpful to take a moment to expand briefly on the topic before diving in to Core Commitments.

For clarity’s sake let’s breakdown our students efforts or practice this way:

1. A goal (that’s the thing we want to achieve)
2. An expectation with regard to that goal (that’s the story or belief that we will or will not reach the goal)
3. An intention (how we show up to achieve the goal and meet the expectation.)

Intentions, Empathy & Starting Over

Core Commitments

Being versus doing (values)

Not The ONLY Reason Pilates Students Don’t Stay Motivated – The Most IMPORTANT One

There are a MILLION reasons we can lack motivation. Yet I am confident that we can address JUST ONE of these reasons – elevating it to the NUMBER ONE REASON WHY PILATES STUDENTS DON’T STAY MOTIVATED – and not only help our students feel more excited about practicing, showing up, progressing, and living a better life through Pilates, but increase our confidence and success as teachers long term.

Here is a list of the most common reasons for waining motivation:

• Lack of faith in one’s abilities.
• Fear of failure, due to failure in the past.
• Fear of what others might say.
• The habit of procrastination.
• Laziness.
• The feeling or belief that there are other more important things to do.
• Being too stressed or nervous.
• Absence of enough stimuli or incentives.

In more than 20 years of teaching what I have come to realize is that all of the reason above can be boiled down into ONE pivotal and powerful element – the kryptonite of  sustained motivation: Unrealistic and/or Unacknowledged Expectations.

Unfortunately, this is a multi-faceted issue and can take some time and work to unravel and find ways of consciously applying it to ourselves and our students.

The good news, however, is that the more you can apply your understanding of unrealistic (set by you and/or your students) and unacknowledged (by you and/or your student) expectations the more effective you are as a teacher, the more fulfilled, successful, and MOTIVATED your students become, and the more empowered you are as a person attending to and reaching for your own goals.

The crux of the issue is twofold:

1. We are not aware of the hidden expectations we have for ourselves and our students at the outset AND we do nothing or very little to unearth these unexplored expectations.
2. We do not have nor do we use tools to set realistic expectations for ourselves and our students at the outset AND we do not track and correct course with regard to those expectations along the way.

The first challenge stems from the fact that expectations play a HUGE role in our lives and how we maneuver situations, set goals, and judge our progress. When we  are operating under unacknowledged expectations (those set by the influence of others or by past situations and circumstances) we are constantly out of alignment with the reality of our situation and thus constantly:

• feel afraid of failing (not meeting the elusive expectation that no longer matches either what we truly want or what we can realistically attain);
• feel afraid of what others think of us;
• procrastinate (in order to avoid  feelings of inadequacy);
• are lazy and lack incentive (lack of proof — lack of self-efficacy — that we can meet the expectation because we’ve not experienced enough success in the past);
• and feel nervous and stressed about not meeting others “perceived” expectations of us.

One of my favorite teachers, Phillip Moffitt, talks extensively about expectations and how they can control our life when we are not aware of them or their implications.

“Expectations show up in many forms – from what we expect of ourselves to what others expect of us and we expect of them. You may have high, low, or even negative expectations about what’s possible in your life. Just as an unrealistic high expectation can bring unnecessary disappointment, a low one can bring about underperformance or failure to see the opportunity in a situation.

A critical step in gaining clarity about expectations is learning to distinguish between them and possibilities. Expectations assume a certain result and are future oriented. They actually narrow your options, retard your imagination, and blind you to possibilities. They create pressure in your life and hold your present sense of well-being hostage to a future that may or may not happen. Expectations create rigidity in your life and cause you to react impulsively to any perceived threat to the future you believe you deserve.

When you are controlled by your expectations, you are living a contingent life and, therefore, aren’t free in the present moment.”

Unacknowledged Expectations

It’s like trying to steer a boat without a working navigation system or with a broken compass. How are we supposed to get where we want to go that way? We can’t and we don’t – that’s the bottom line and one of the primary reasons our students don’t stay motivated.

We’ve all had the experience of working with a student who comes in with tons of enthusiasm and a very dedicated plan for getting into their summer-time swimsuit, or improving their golf game. They have a specific goal. We know Pilates can definitely help. We are ready to go.

Things go well for the first 4-6 weeks (if that) and then all of the sudden the student starts to show up late, miss appointments, and make excuses (talking a lot during a session) for not working as hard or showing up less. What happened?

One or both of these things: The student showed up expecting that Pilates was going to immediately and dramatically change their body (the magic pill theory at work – a classic and common unacknowledged expectation) and make them look better in their swim suit and take off 5 strokes. They think that Pilates will be different from everything else they’ve done and when it proves to be just as much work, take as much dedication, they start to loose interest, feel like they’ve failed, and begin to wonder if they should be trying the Daily Method instead.

The second thing that might be happening is that we, too, believe that Pilates will change everything for them. In fact, we know it can. We’ve seen it. We’ve experienced it so we don’t take the appropriate steps to ensure that we have a viable, trackable, plan in place. Our unacknowledged expectation is that we SHOULD be able to get our student where he/she wants to go in the time they want to get there. We SHOULD be good enough to do that!!

Deep down though we also know that it takes time, consistency, and HARD WORK, and that the change they are hoping for doesn’t happen overnight. But we are not actually ACTING from this place. We are acting from the unacknowledged expectation that we SHOULD be able to give our student what they want even if it’s not realistic.

Unrealistic Expectations

And this brings us to the second half of the issue: Unrealistic expectations

Our students do this ALL the time. Out of a lack of understanding they think practicing Pilates 1 day a week is going to impart major changes in their body. The expect that in four weeks they will start to see weight loss, increased flexibility, less pain and seconds falling off their ride time or shots off their golf game. But what is the truth?

It boils down to two issues: One, that we don’t take time in the beginning and along the way to EDUCATE our students as to how Pilates works, what it does, and how it will help them achieve their goals. Teachers are often afraid of telling a new or potential student that Pilates will not, in fact, produce weight loss on its own, or that increased flexibility comes in part from changing movement patters which is a life long endeavor, or that the most profound results are achieved with frequent practice and integration into their lives. We want them to “believe” or have the “impression” that Pilates will do exactly what they want and we are the ones who can help them.

The second aspect of unrealistic expectations is that we don’t take time in the beginning and along the way to set and reevaluate expectations (our own and our students’). This is about having a consistent and effective strategy for setting short and long term goals and breaking them down into accessible, measurable, and specific actions that align with what the Pilates Method can do and with what we can do.

When we are aware of the power of unacknowledged and unrealistic expectations we open ourselves up to understanding the four key concepts that will lead us to cultivating and supporting greater, sustained motivation in our students.

• Intention: Setting a foundation for starting over (empathy)
• Core Commitments: Being versus doing (values)
• Discrepancy: Realistic assessment of progress (perception)
• Self-efficacy: Proof of success (experience)

This is SO EXCITING!

We can manifest real and lasting change in our students when we actively incorporate our understanding of how dangerous unacknowledged and unrealistic expectations can be AND employ strategies based on the four key concepts above.

What Are Intentions

(And How Are They Different From Goals?)

Intentions are HOW we can gracefully interact with challenge. They are HOW we can wisely interact with our goals. And they are HOW we can authentically engage with our lives.

Intentions infuse our goals, but are not goals themselves. Whereas goals are achievements we hope to accomplish in the future that require many steps, intentions are how we navigate each step, how we contend with not meeting the goals, and how we choose to experience the process of moving toward a goal.

Setting goals without first grounding ourselves and our students in an intention most assuredly ignores whatever unacknowledged expectations we might have and pretends that it is not necessary to constantly relate and re-relate to ourselves, our hopes, fears, and challenges throughout the process.

Intentions can be:

• to be patient,
• kind (to ourselves),
• persistent,
• open-minded,
• gentle,
• focused, or
• diligent

To name just a few.

So, how do we set intentions for ourselves and help our students do the same without getting too personal or too “spiritual”?

It’s actually pretty simple.

All we have to do is ask a few questions on your intake, or in your initial conversation with a new student, that will guide them toward the insight.

What we most want our students to become aware of is what’s thrown them off track before. What unacknowledged or unrealistic expectation has prevented them from reaching previous goals? Please remember that they might be VERY GOOD at reaching work or other types of goals, but not those related to their body. We want to get them to see what has kept them from their physical goals specifically.

Here are a few questions you can begin to ask:

• How do you think you might be pulled off track in reaching x goal?
• What are your top 2-3 excuses for not making time for exercise or for not being consistent with your home practice? (or other element)
• What are your expectations coming into this practice? (What do you expect of yourself? What do you expect of me?)
• Is there anything that makes you feel nervous about starting this practice?
• Do you have any fears coming into this practice?
• Do you expect that you will reach your goals? Why or why not?

Don’t ask all of these questions, just pick one or two that work for you or make up your own. The point is that we want our students to spend a little time getting clear and being honest with themselves about how they are showing up.

How do you arrive at the intention?

If you add an intention-based question into your intake then when you sit down with your student to review the intake you read their answer out loud, and reflect back to them how it applies to what you will be doing with them. For example:

Student’s answer: I know that not having enough time to spend with family and get my work done is a way that I will easily be pulled off track from my practice.

Your answer: Okay, so I see here that one of the ways you feel you are likely to be thrown off track is ‘not having enough time to spend with family and get my work done.’ I totally get that – I struggle with this one myself. What has been helpful to me in the past is to set a clear intention to be very fluid and flexible with my practice. What I try to do is make sure that I have made it to my two sessions per week NOT MATTER when they are – even if they are on two consecutive days and even if I have to keep my schedule fluid. No matter what I make sure I come twice a week. Does that sound like something that would be helpful to you? To keep your practice flexible and fluid? Let’s talk about how we can make that happen.

Deriving an intention from these questions might take a little practice, but if nothing else you can start doing it in your head for each and every student and for yourself. Then use the language with your student over and over again to help them anchor into HOW they are participating, reminding them that by being fluid and flexible – but accountable to 2x a week – they are staying on track and successful.

I promise you that although articulating intentions is subtle it will be IMMEDIATELY eye-opening and motivating for you and your students!

Okay, I want you to take this one nugget and see what you can do with it in the next week. Next Monday I will release the second article in this series on Core Commitments and how they play a crucial role in creating strong and sustainable MOTIVATION for our students.

I don’t think you’ll want to miss it!

Click the image below to add your name and email and receive article number two on Core Commitments as well as a special Four Part Video Course that I’m releasing next week called:

3 Massive Mistakes Even Certified Pilates Teachers Make

That Keep Them Feeling Anxious About

Filling Their Classes and Keeping Their Students!

Creating an Authentic Experience For Lasting Client Relationships

They say you don’t get a second chance to make a first impression. But is that really true? In building relationships, especially in the studio, you have an opportunity to make an evolved impression—one that builds a foundation for long-lasting and loyal relationships. When done thoughtfully this equates to clients who come back over and over again because they trust you and value what you offer.

Recently I was sitting, sharing a bottle of wine, with a group of teachers who had come up for a presenter’s weekend retreat. We had been working on creating authentic presence, clarifying vision and evaluating the kind of impressions we each made. Here was the last exercise of the day: List your three first impressions of each person and three qualities you admired about the person now that you knew them a little better. We got a lot of laughs out of it, for sure, but at times these things were difficult both to hear and to respond to.

For instance, did you know someone thought you were unapproachable because you’re tall or someone else, whom you had met before, thought at first you looked “ethereal” and therefore probably not all that bright? Another person was told they seemed self-absorbed because they rushed into dinner an hour late and talking on the phone. Someone else was “curt” because they articulated their words. We were told we were organized, commanding, overly serious, flipping hilarious, kind, and intelligent. We were flattered and appalled, ending the night with a striking new awareness of how impressions can evolve so much in a very short period of time. As teachers we come face to face with this every day, but rarely look into how or what we are doing to cultivate these impressions. We can, however, make a huge impact on our relationships, reputation and client retention with simple awareness.

Four First Impressions

Initial Contact:

The moment you make first contact with a student may be in person, on the phone or via email. Be prepared. Once you know what kind of impression you are trying to make—one that reflects your values and your business’s vision and mission—you can begin to cultivate an experience that will bond the client to you and your studio. This is your moment to really shine. Give every potential client everything you’ve got.

What you’ll say: The 30-second “elevator pitch,” — what I call your Authentic Invitation — when you hear people talk about it, sounds like a sleazy salesman’s approach—but really you can’t do without it. There is no better way to clarify your passion and succinctly relay it. Don’t underestimate this tool and don’t neglect it. If you are meeting a potential client—essentially everyone you meet, whether you think so or not—you have this one chance to engage their curiosity and leave them wondering how Pilates could make a difference for them.

What you’ll write: Have an email template that you send to new student inquiries. It should reflect your personality and include a clear call to action. As in a face-to-face conversation, you want to be authentic and represent the best of what your business has to offer.

On the phone: Know what key points you want to share and how to respond to frequently asked questions. Have a format ready that helps you capture necessary information, direct responses, and guide outcomes but is not formulaic or rigid. Every system you have in place should reflect your unique offering.

Bridging the gap: Consider a new student inquiry sheet that helps track the key points of a phone or email conversation. These notes can then be put into the student’s file and given to the teacher who will conduct their session. In this way you are thorough and thoughtful. You are able to weave their experience into a clear outcome. This, in turn, sets you up for a successful second impression—the first time a student enters the studio for a session.

The First Session:

To large degree you are in control of the experience your student receives. Create one that expresses who and what you are, the most important qualities of your business and what matters to your clients. Whether that’s community, affordability or the style you teach, make it effortless and memorable.

The best way to discover what’s important to your clients is to ask. Take an informal poll and see what clients think of different aspects of your business, what they were drawn to or what they might change. Use this feedback to hone the environment you create and make an impact. And then ask yourself what an exceptional experience would be for you. Personally, I want them to love the space, to feel welcomed and safe, and to know that from that first moment I am dedicated to their success.

This means I am prepared, I have a plan, and although I want their business, I am entirely clear that I am not the right fit for everyone and I don’t take it personally if they decide not to opt in. But I am also certain I’ve done everything I can and have given them everything I’ve got.

Small things that matter:

1. Have necessary paperwork waiting for the client when they come in. Or even better, email it to them so they can fill it out in advance and make their first visit smoother.
2. Create and provide a welcome packet.
3. If a client has a specific issue, make sure you know about it. If they had an initial conversation with another teacher, make sure you have all the details.
4. Create a timeline for the session leaving time for Q&A and sign up.
5. Ask why they are there. Start to uncover the story
6. Be real and focus on your strengths (not the bottom line).
7. Be generous and be honest.

The End of a Package:

Can you ask for what you want? I find that this can be an uncertain moment for most teachers and one that either makes or breaks the whole deal. We’re not sure what’s best. We’re afraid to say that what is best might be expensive. We don’t know where we stand when it comes to how we want our clients to practice. Clarity of purpose is key.

Know from the beginning where you want your clients to go. Know your system for retaining clients for the long run and know how this particular student fits, or not, into that plan.

If your client feels that you have their best interest in mind—which is conveyed by the strong impressions you’ve been giving all along—then they will let you guide them. In fact, they want you to tell them what to do. Be the expert and be honest. They will either say yes or no. It’s that simple. You have to trust yourself if they are going to trust you. There is very little room for self-doubt or hesitation in this moment. Acknowledge you could always be wrong, but this is your assessment and you’re excited to move them toward their goals.

Ever After:

One of the most challenging aspects of teaching, for me, is showing up fully for the same client over and over again. But if I don’t, my clients will (and should!) find a teacher who does.

I recently read a sentence from Carol Appel’s Business Savvy workshop that put this particular challenge into stark perspective. “The worst thing you can do is ask a client ‘What would you like to work on today?’” When I read this, I blushed a little with guilt.

I’ve done this. I’d bet many of you have too. And what it means is I am falling asleep at the wheel. I might disguise it as checking in or gauging someone’s needs, but if I do it over and over again I need to reevaluate. When you’re in it for the long haul it can be tough to keep up your stamina. Constantly reassessing client goals and needs never ends, and the finish line is constantly moving out – we hope – to the next session or package.

Each time we teach is an opportunity to anticipate our client’s needs in order to match and exceed their expectations. Because, after all, it really is the last impression that we leave with – over and over again – that keeps them coming back.